nuthing else to write about. Don't care if anybody reads it or not. Actually prefer if nobody did. Nothing to do last Saturday. Was nothing much showing at the local Multi-Screen Hick-o-Plex except the latest big budget crapola. Wife wanted to go to town and see some sort of GIRLY film, but her perusal of the tabloid entertainment insert stuffed into the local propaganda rag falied (luckily or unluckily) to turn up any tribute-to-the-human-spirit movies featuring crampy, pissy hags on the cusp-of-something-or-the-other sitting around a vein-stripping clinic and whining wistfully about how life done passed them by, cracking rotten, cutesy jokes about their neanderthally oafish ex-husbands and whimpering and hugging each other and offering some kinda message that some people might find useful, but I really wouldn't know, because the one time I got hornswaggled into going to see a film that pukey I got up and left halfway through and went to radio shack and the wife sulked all the way home and said that wasn't fair because the week before she sat through some art-porn with me that I had to admit was pretty fucking boring, too, but at least it had some dago tits and ass in it, but my pointing that out to her didn't seem to strengthen my position any, at least as far as she was concerned, so I had to take her to dinner at a place WITHOUT a drive-thru window. Anyway, last week we couldn't find any art-porn or girly shit to torture the other one with, so we decided on what we thought was a fair compromise, a film that would make us BOTH sick, but hopefully would have some SO-FUCKING-BAD-IT'S-HYSTERICALLY-FUNNY high points. So we went to see Armageddon. It sucked. I mean it REALLY sucked. What's amazing is that it could suck to the extent that it did and NOT provide any of the unitentionally snort-producing camp that some of the previous all-time Stinkers like Steel and Zandalee and Waterworld did. But it didn't. It JUST sucked. Leapfrogged right over all the GOOD that can sometimes come from BAD shit and landed squarely in the super-suck-plane. And that's where it stayed. I know, I know. What did I expect? Goddam Bruce Willis movie, but hey, Die Hard II is one of the all-time great rotten films, the Fifth Element was lousy enough to be funny, and 12 Monkeys was a stunningly UGLY film that beat a long-dead horse with a total lack of panache and humor, so I figured there was a CHANCE I'd despise this film in the right way. But I didn't. Some parts actually made me downright queasy. In fact, ALL the romantic stuff between the gawky looking overracting pneumatic-lipped no-talent bimbo and the OBVIOUSLY pea-brained young-Mr-Green-Jeans looking oaf made me sick, especially the strained, putrid, genuinely nauseating pre-launch hootenanny. But I DID manage, in the middle of that, to get a swat from the wife, as well as get to put my thumb to my nose and go pffffffrrrrrr at a bunch of barely-illuminated buggy-eyed dirty-looking heads attached to the heaps of local lard that stopped chomping their salt and grease and sugared rat pellets and turned around in unison because I blurted: I think I'm gonna fucking vomit,  so it wasn't a TOTAL loss. Damned close, though. Anyway, I could tell you lots more, but suffice it to say the jokes suck, the cast is predictably stereotypical and poke-a-platypus-belly cutesy (especially the rooskie guy. JEEEZUS), the chick is ugly and they don't show her naked, and while they blow up tons of shit and I guess the special effects are good, you can only really enjoy them if you don't mind all sorts of loud noises in space and a disregard for mathematical and astrophysical principles so complete and profound that it makes Buck Rogers' scooting around in a spark-spewing finned dildo look like realtime footage of an Apollo mission by comparison. Anyway, I was a ashamed I stayed till the end, but at LEAST I got a half a laugh from the hideously contrived, predictable tear-jerkoff finale, but by then I was rooting for the rock, anyway. Sorta still am. Upright apes that can't think up anything better to do with 170 million bucks than crank out this shit OUGHTA be given the cosmic-mop treatment so the small stuff that can hide in holes can have another chance to evolve into something intelligent. Ah fuck it. Go on and waste yer dough if you want. Been warned.